One month from now will mark the finale of level 3. As I regain my sense of freedom from academia bit by bit, I sense a resurrection of energy. Nothing died, mind you, so don’t panic. It’s just: I am feeling excitement to be able to detatch myself from something I have to do and in its lieu I can focus on what I have been dreaming to do. Sometimes I compare the effort and commitment I give to certain things which I must do and special things dear to me that I deny myself the pleasure of doing. Let me just say, the reflections don’t make my heart flutter so much as I would like. And, if I must say it, school and academia have always felt, in some ways, a limit to my own growth. Academia is time-consuming and demanding. I hope that it is worth it, but I wish that it at least felt like a fun game as well. Maybe I’m just a bad player, then, if it is a game.

But the previous paragraph is not the essence of this diary. Rather, I should mention of a wasted selfish endeavour on my end. So, I shall do that now.

For almost half a year, I have been seeking a more powerful graphical processing unit at a reasonable and cost-effective price. To my dismay, this pursuit lead to several consequences. I will not the two most prominent: one, a considerable amount of time (months); two, unfulfilled potential for more meaningful things. But why search for a graphical processing unit in the first place?

Originally, I considered the system which I had been using to be limited, mainly due its specifications as well as due to the fact that I did not have immediate access to it whenever it suited me. When I began to consider VR development, for instance, I reaslied that the resolution could be further enhanced if only I would invest in a more refined graphical processing unit. Over time, though, I have observed a diminishment in my originally perceived limitations of my existingsystem; likewise, I have been fortunate to have much more convenience access to it. My realisation thus was that I had arrived at a point where my arguments for persisting and spending much of my ownself trying to satisfy my original objective of obtaining a smart-priced card felt weak. This leaves me with the rationale of: I should not have bothered to start the search. Indeed, it felt tiring. Certainly, it was. So I am dropping the search and sticking with what I have. I believe what I have is enough to be thankful about and when I truly need something greater is later maybe, but not at the moment.

So, it is time to move on for me. No more rummaging for signs of a good deal like a watch owl, no more browsing articles upon articles linked to something which is not worth more than it demands, and no more idle and passive moments from me.

Lessons Learned:

  • I can do plenty with what I have already.
  • I am prone to senselessness and thus human, hence why I should endeavour to learn from times where I act like a brainless tangerine.
  • Greediness is not uncommon: if I see myself as having less, obviously I will want to have more.
  • To depend on a thing, as logical as it sounds, means to depend less on oneself, and so the result is lesser feelings of completeness and personal satisfaction.
  • Whatever I need, I already have; whatever I assume I need but don’t have is a self-concocted illusion.
  • Anyone can do amazing things if they don’t waste their time; the challenge is overcoming time-wasting situations by avoiding them in the original instance.

Words so easy.

Words aren’t effective enough on their own. Inspiration from them is a good thing, but the actual doing is where the rest of the fun presents itself so I am heading over to the do department for now.

If I do not add anything further very soon, May 17 should be the end of it. I really want to communicate over here and this was my intention from the start so forgive me for not being as lively as we both might have wished. Till the reunion, let’s continue to level up and progress through life.


Catch,

Morad